you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
