I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
