Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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