Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
