How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
