I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
