He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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