I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Congratulations! We have a period
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