Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
