Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He passed out mid-signature
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
