Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
