I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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