would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Can you repeat that, but with context?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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