If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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