You really coming over, don't trick.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
He felt like a one man threesome
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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