last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
