TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
