I just threw up on my dentist
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
