you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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