Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
