I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
