She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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