My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
