I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
