Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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