No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
