Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
