Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Randomize
