You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
