and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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