I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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