DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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