do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
did you just send me my own nude
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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