I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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