youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
