its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
