Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
