What did we do last night that was yellow?
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
