I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
