I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
