Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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