you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
