I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
