I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
