Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
