i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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