Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
