i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
