After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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