Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Use "feeling words"
Yay
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
